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  1. things, life, whatnot.

    December 31, 2012 by DJ

    Imagine you never changed. Imagine that you were the same person you were at 10. 20? 30? Life isn’t designed that way. Hopefully with time and wisdom, you revamp. Re-generate. Re-evaluate.

    2012 was the year I had a nervous breakdown. It was when I finally realized that I needed to learn things about myself I had been terrified to know. I knew that if I didn’t learn those things, I probably wouldn’t make it another year. That the one thing that scared the absolute shit out of me and shamed me would happen and in the process I would hurt all of the people who loved me.

    So. I swallowed the perma-lump in my throat and went back to therapy. And I went back big.

    All of this isn’t really a post about how I got enlightened or saved myself or any of that shit. It’s how I learned it’s ok to change. I changed because I couldn’t stay the person I was.

    If you’ve been watching closely enough you’ve seen them. I’m no longer a pair of disembodied lips. I’m no longer what those lips imply. And I’m no longer Dysfunction Junction.

    I am more than just my issues.

    In a roundabout way, this is my announcement that soon Dysfunction Junction will be no more. There’s more to me than my neuroses (even if they are adorable).

    Soon, this URL will direct to a new blog, a new space. A space where I’ll still talk about what’s going on inside my head but also outside of me. What I eat, what I do, what I think and hopefully, someday who I love.

    Keep following, or don’t…but it’s time for the bigger picture.


  2. Back. Slightly. Maybe.

    May 4, 2012 by DJ

    Oooookay. This is basically the equivalent of me dipping my toe into the REALLY shallow end of the blogging pool. I’m not entirely sure I’m “back”, but there have been some recent comments that I feel need to be addressed.

    THE MIDWEST DOES NOT SUCK.

    There. I said it. Admittedly, I am from the third largest metropolis in the United States. I am not a resident of a “flyover state” nor do I live anywhere near farm land (beef, corn or otherwise). However, I am MIGHTY FUCKING DEFENSIVE of this great part of our country.

    I’m sick of hearing people (mostly on the coasts) saying that the Midwest is shit and they hate it here.  THEN FUCKING LEAVE. There are great things that happen here. Chicago is a nexus of constantly changing lives and I love that. We’re just as sophisticated and urbane and frankly, Manhattan is smelly as fuck and most of the people in California are out of their damn minds.

    Anyway, with all that in mind, I felt the need to re-post of “My Soul Sings the Blues” from Valentine’s Day 2011. Cause I’m sick of ya’ll talkin shit about mah man.

    **Authoress’ note: no need to leave bitchy comments; most of this is all in good fun. MOST of it.**

    That title sounds pretty sad doesn’t it?  I promise I don’t mean it that way.  My soul belongs to Chicago and Chicago sings the blues better than anyone else.  I am a fierce defender of my hometown and will champion it to anyone who will listen.  In light of the recent Valentine’s Day holiday, who better to receive my love letter?

    My sweet city of Broad Shoulders,

    Your bright sun in the sweltering summer and blinding winter white stuns me.  Your beauty is unrivaled in my mind.  I have been to both edges of this country: to the ocean at South Beach and the mountains of Colorado.  Your very nature always pulls me home.

    I love you for your clanking, rickety El.  For the terrifying screech as it comes around the corner towards the Randolph/Wabash stop.  For its frequent inefficiency, for the heat on in the summertime and air conditioning in the winter.  For your stubborn refusal to expand outward, to bring in commuters from the suburbs.  Not you, you don’t need anyone else.

    That you inspire a group of intelligent twenty somethings to debate not politics, not world events — but hot dogs.

    While other cities are considered unfriendly or (the horror) TOO friendly, you’re just right.  We’ll hold close the dirty little secret that while we’re friendly, we don’t trust strangers too much (saucy minx!).  Are you a stranger to us?  Who do we know who knows you?  All newcomers are met with a skeptical eye.

    I love you for creating a President.  That is enough.

    I love you for rewarding my recovery from surgery with a STANLEY CUP!!

    Your sense of humor is unmatched.  You make me, and so many others, smile.  A New Yorker may have meant to insult you, but as the Second City you’ve been home to some of the funniest people on earth.

    When you love, you love hard.  My love is not a city for lightweights.  You must prove your worth to my love.  If you can’t make it through a winter here, we don’t want you anyway.

    Your beauty is not lost on me during awful, gray, rainy spring days.  I know that soon you will have a breeze off the lake.  A breeze that erases all ills.

    I love you more and more each day and while I may have dalliances with other cities, it is you that welcomes me home with the smell of chocolate.

    Let’s snuggle,

    DJ


  3. Countdown

    September 12, 2011 by DJ

    Yous guyssss (imagine Mike Ditka saying it).

    I’ve been such a slacker.  You all left some great comments and I’ve just been so absentee over here.  I’m sorry about not responding.

    For those who are interested, it’s bicycling.  It’s nowhere near my favorite thing to do, but in working things through with The Witz, I’ve come to some realizations:

    I don’t handle doing things I don’t like very well.  It’s a deep rooted coping mechanism and trying to put it into words with Nice Boy is pretty damn hard.

    Also, I will be getting on a damn bike.  HARUMPH.  Nowhere near cars though, I’ve made that really fucking clear.

    SO!  Now that’s been covered, I’m here to say, I won’t be here for a few weeks.

    I leave for my big “self recovery/discovery trip” on Friday.  I’d be lying if I didn’t say I was a little bit nervous.  But that’s also my way, so it’s alright.

    (I’ll likely be Tweeting since I’m bringing Nice Boy’s iPad, but the full length blogs will have to wait.)

    à bientôt!!
    Tot ziens!! (they tell me that’s Dutch for “see you soon”)


  4. Mentiroso

    July 17, 2011 by DJ

    You.  You don’t belong here.  You had your chance.  You’ve had several chances from what I’ve heard.  There isn’t more room for you, but you finagle your way back in.  With your fucking tricks and manipulation.

    No one can resist an injured puppy.  But you’re not injured are you?  No you’re not.  You’ve been scheming and plotting this from the start I suspect.  You deserve NOTHING you’ve received.  You and your ill-gotten gains.  Your parasitic nature; feeding off others so that  you can feel strong.

    Do you ever tell the truth?  Or is everything a tale you’ve spun; full of cliched sentiments and overly grandiose thoughts?

    I fear for those who have not learned the truth about you yet.  They don’t know what’s about to hit them.  About to knock them down and suck the air from their lungs.  So help me, I’m not going to let anyone else be hurt by you ever.  Because while you may be able to fool others, you can’t fool me.  Not anymore.  I’ve got things now that you only pretended to give.  You and your back-lot of Hollywood sentiments.  I have the real thing now.  No more facades in my world.  And no more in others’ if I can help it.

    There’s a reason there are pitbull/Jewish women jokes.  It’s because they’re true.  Where I once defended you; once took up your cause as my own, there will be no more.  I won’t rest until I’ve made sure that others are safe from you.

    So take your overdramatically wounded self and move on.

    You’re no longer welcome here.


  5. I’m just like the Jeffersons

    May 30, 2011 by DJ

    That’s the last one.  My last cabinet, packed.

    This was my very first place.  My home.  It was all mine and my whole self is in every corner of this place.  Every detail was because I put it there.  It’s been my refuge for five years.  I recovered here.  I became “me” here.  I’m not sure I’m ready to leave, but it’s time to move on.

    Time for me to welcome people in to my home (I’ll finally have somewhere for them to sit).  I’ll make my new place my own too, but that doesn’t mean I won’t missed my striped wall that The Moms and I slaved over.

    Here goes nothin.